I am excited!

I wasn't there when The IEMELIF Church of Canada started, but I heard it started from 8 people. TICC is now 18 years old (with about 150+ members) and finally we believe that it's Gods will for it to give birth to a daughter. Church, we are multiplying!

Lord, you are good and your mercies endureth forever!

Oh I didn't mention this earlier because I got lazy to blog. But since I can't sleep this is the perfect time to blog. (Blogging makes me sleepy). Oh man, I'm already sleepy...

Pao did the devotional last Wednesday for Prayer and Praise Night. He asked me for help but I really didn't know what help I could do. I don't do well in public speaking. So I asked him what he wanted to write about. He told me he wanted to write about how many people know of Christ but don't really believe in Him because they chose not to. Then all I said to him was - it's us as Christian's job to let them know who Jesus really is so they understand His love and not just know of Him. And it sounded like a switch turned on. He didn't ask for anymore help.

Last Wednesday he spoke. And to be honest, I was quite surprised. And I MEAN LIKE... WOAH. It was good. God's message was good and He used Pao beautifully. I'm not sure if this is okay to say but... I was blessed and challenged by God's message ... and it feels so wonderful that God poured out the blessing through my boyfriend. In a way I felt like a mother who's proud of his son. (HAHA) You know what I mean?

Then today, while we were on the phone... Pao RANDOMLY said, "Babe, I want a boy." Then he prayed, "Lord, please let us have a baby boy."

My reaction to that was ---> O_O "I don't want a baby yet." LOL!

"No! After we're married then we'll raise him to be a pastor."

"We can't do that."

"Yeah, we can't force him. But he has to attend Bible Study! He can't skip it!"

Wow. Maybe he should be the pastor.

WAIT... HMMMMM....

Well this blog entry has officially scared me. This is what happens when I type with no organized thoughts.

Hmm...

I don't know if I'm excited for church camp. I guess I'm excited to be away from home... but ...

Ugh. Last year's camp ruined a lot of things for me. Esp w/ my family. It was supposed to make us closer... it did the opposite.

Church Camp

Church Camp was great. We had a great speaker. Pastor Roy Versosa! The messages were filed with encouragement and challenges for us as Christ followers. Which I find very helpful in my walk with Christ. He opened up sides of common Sunday-School-Bible-Stories that are so real to our lives right now. I was scared to go to the camp because the speakers may mean well when they open a discussion but it comes out as parents vs. kids OR wife vs. husband. WHICH HAPPENED LAST YEAR. This time, we were given the time to understand each other's side and realize that we can help make the relationship better by working together. (Yee...)

DVBS was too cute. I'm glad some of the kids who were in the 1-day didn't mind repeating the same lessons and activities in camp. Actually, they enjoyed it more since they felt that 1 day was too short. I got to know the kids more this time. Haha, way too cute.

I also loved the fact that we could alternate teaching the kids because Jeza was given the chance to teach. So cute! I'm pretty sure the kids loved her. The first session I was teaching I was already telling them that their Ate Jeza will teach and there were no violent reactions - actually more like the opposite of that. haha! 

The kids did GREAT on their presentation. The kids loved it! They love presenting. And I am extremely thankful for one of the kids - Joanne. One of the kids who had a part in the presentation had to go home early - Kailey. She didn't want to go home but she had to. So I asked a few kids if anyone would take her place. Ms. Little Joanne said yes. =) She did well!

Family Camp

I cannot ... CANNOT express how THANKFUL I am for this camp. This was one of the best camps ever!! And it also makes me thankful of my family. And realize that I should be more open to them than I already am. I realize that they want to be there when we need somebody, especially when we're in pain. They want to lend a hand it's just that they don't know how to approach us. One of my titas that I open up to is Tita Neri and when she talks to me it does feel better knowing that she understands. I didn't think the rest of them would... but I guess I'm given the chance to test them about it.

Jeza being brave brought up Dielsen in the convo. HAHA. I actually admired her for doing that since her parents (I don't know about the rest of the family) aren't really supportive about them being together. But I'm not going to continue on because SOME PEOPLE might get the wrong idea. HAHAHA! Hanie and I don't really have much to say because they can see. We let them see. We want them to see. =) I mean they are family. I want them to know since I want them to be okay when we get married. The younger ones didn't really say much. I don't really know if they had anything to say.

But THANK YOU Titas for taking a step closer to us by initiating the meeting. I'm not going to say all of us appreciate it but I certainly did. Because HONESTLY... it made me feel better about making decisions. Knowing that I can approach someone who won't be so accusing and understand where I stand. In a way, this made me feel a lot more valued and loved.

ALSO, the beach and the shopping was G-R-E-A-T! I spent zero dollars. LOL!

New Look - not entirely new. I just discovered that I dress like this most of the time. =) CRGC

New Color - new favorite color. Because it's pretty!

New Clothes - not a lot. Finally got new bras! (I hate bra shopping)

New Year - School will be interesting.

"Hanga nga kami ng Tito Fred mo sa Mama't Papa nyo eh. Halos lahat kayo nasa university na. Si DonDon na lang."(Tita Ruth)

My parents never said to us that we HAVE to get into a university. They were open that we get into a college as long as we finish school. Yet, we all set our minds to be one of the bests. My parents had high expectations I'm sure.. I felt it.. even though they said nothing. Even if all they said is "Basta't makatapos lang kayo ng pagaaral." They might have said things when we don't succeed at some stuff... it might have hurt sometimes... but they said it because they believed we could do better.. MUCH BETTER. They believe we are the best - they have to we are their kids! Hanie's not a math girl but she's in business school. She doesn't care about the struggle, she loves it! JenJen can't cook for anyone... but she's going away willing to be far from home just so she can get into one of the best school in Canada. Because they believed in us so much, we start to believe in ourselves too that we've set higher expectations with ourselves.

I'm not into just getting it done. I want to get what I want from it.

Thank you Mama and Papa! We'll be great because of you.

Psalm 51:10-12

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
       and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 ¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
       or take your Holy Spirit from me.

 ¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
       and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Right now, my room is a mess of clothes. My whole room has been described as a walk-in closet JUST yesterday. Just because we're moving soon, it makes me feel that this organization is comfortable enough for me. It may look unpleasing to others but it works for me.  BUT if ever ... EVER someone wants to come visit. Of course the basket of clothes need to hide. Our rooms really say a lot about us. And if people ever see that we're messy, they associate it with us. SO we hide up the dirt under the bed, inside the closet, or in a secret storage. Just so we look like we're clean people!

After reading Psalm 51, as David comes out to confess to God his sin... I feel that he opened up the door of his really messy room to a King. The secret storages, all the mess, piles of dirty laundry, .... ALL HIS DIRT in his heart, opened up to the Lord of the entire universe, the Almighty One, the Highest of all the highest! How embarassing, right?! But whether or not we're ready to do this, He sees all things. Even the "dusts bunnies" that build up under the crevices of our hearts. And the only way to clean is is when we open it up to the one who heals and the one who cleans and let God restore us.

It's hard. It's hard to let God see. It's embarrassing! It's painful! But hiding in my sin and keep it within me until it's comfortable is scarier to think about. I don't want to be too comfortable in my sin and look clean in front of other people because it's NOT okay. No excuses! It is time for me to let Him in. And raise my hands in surrender and ask to clean me with His loving - OH SO BEAUTIFUL - blood. 

And I AM DEEPLY thankful that I am serving a King who is willing AND WOULD BE TOTALLY EXCITED to clean "my room" for me, because I'd fail even if I tried. But He ain't no maid. So I gotta do my best to keep it clean.

I am SO SORRY, SO SORRY.... =(

Tita Joi

She's been a big woman of faith in our church. No matter how much she cries and how heavy her heart is the first thing she cries out is God's name. And a lot of us admire her for that. BUT I look up to her for other things as well. This woman gets things DONE. And not just done, I mean... beautifully done. She is capable of multitasking gracefully. HAHA! She will smile no matter how busy and tired she is. She gives the best she can when she's working on something. Not a "ok lang yan" worker. There's a finished feel to her job. That's something about her that I really do want people to see in me. I don't want to be happy with satisfactory.

Kuya Marvin

No matter how busy he is with his family and his job, he makes time for the Lord. I love how he brings his family along doing God's work together. He brings his little ones to youth picnics! I admire how he's making his family be part of his ministry and I hope one day when I have my own family, I do the same. Having my family on my side working for the Lord and not just watching me on the side. I also love how he tries to have quality time with the family. When his wife talks about him - it's just too cute! Also, I remember one time, Kuya Marvin was praying and kneeled down to pray. He put Bekah down right beside him. Little Bekah (2) wondering what his dad was doing copied him and kneeled down right beside him. SUCH a beatiful moment!

Ate Jeline

There is something about her doing praise and worship. It's like she's a totally different person when she leads. It's totally convincing that her heart is in worshiping and she got the gift of leading worship. God truly does lead and prepare our hearts through her talents and she is just beautifully doing it for the Lord. I feel that she lets the Spirit take over and just use her so that we feel God's presence. And I hope I do the same in my ministry. I want to be a vulnerable instrument in God's hands and used beautifully just as Ate Jeline lets herself be used by God. I hope I do transform to what God wants me to be as I work for Him.

Tita Susan

I must say, I feel I enjoy and feel relaxed when she plans events. She's another one of those who won't settle for satisfactory but will polish the events make sure everything is enjoyable. She makes time when she feels it is needed. And she's not one of those people who have all the time in the world... BUT SHE WILL MAKE TIME even though she doesn't get paid for it. I'd say one of the best event coordinators! (Probably THE BEST I know who will do it for free! HAHA!) She thinks of the participants and that's very important in event planing and also for the people at church. She's a great person to work with. I hope I'm the same as I work in my ministry. Someone who does not simply does the job, but also has the heart for the people of the church.

Ate Sheelz

I don't think I need to type out why I look up to her - that will take A LONG ENTRY. It's just her ALL OVER! I hope people see my love for the ministry as hers shines! Doesn't she shine?!?! SO SHINY! LOL!

"The updates about the King of Death.... excuse me, the King of Pop's death."

Oh dear.

I hope he doesn't get fired for that.

But it was kinda funny. LOL

I got my boyfriend into it.

And now he's on google looking it up.

I guess this won't be so hard with him planning it with me.

YEEE!

If I could do one do-over in my life, what would it be?

I'd say... I would have stayed away from the people I should have stayed away from and got close to the people I should have stayed closed to. There are friendships that I do miss when I look back but it seems that we're so distant now. For the past few years I've learned that I'm not the kind of person to fix anyone... nothing I will say will change them. I've learned that I shouldn't try to be close to someone feeling that there's something about them they have to fix... like.. they need me or something. I've learned that they don't. And the people who I was close to before, whatever they may be in in life, needs me more.

One of the friendships I miss the most is of course who used to be my best cousin in the entire  ... uhh... family? LOL! I used to share everything with her. She even knew the people I hang around in school even though she haven't seen any of them. Haha! We wrote to each other... held hands... all the sweet kiddy stuff. I remember when we were kids, I was so intimidated being around her sometimes because I look like a maid beside her. She is beautiful! And today, I would say... she is the most beautiful girl that I know and talk to. (celebrities don't count but she can still outshine them without the makeup.) But I'm not so intimidated anymore. I'm still a pretty accessory. LOL!

Something happened between us that wasn't very... let's just say it was a misunderstanding and way too many hearsay that is being transmitted to us. We kinda exploded on each other. LOL! Now we're okay... but I feel even before that ... I was already distant. I guess I felt that as grew older we had less things to say to each other. I'm going to admit, it became very awkward. I don't like awkward. I stay away from awkward. So that's pretty much what I did.

I guess if I get the chance to go back and do something about it. I would have faced the awkwardness. I would have stayed there and maybe there was a reason for the awkwardness that could have prevented the distance that we are now experiencing. Haha.. I am so dramatic lately...

But I do miss her. =)

And she knows it.

When i was in my teens I said to myself, "I want to get married at the age of 24 to 25 so I can have kids before I turn 30."

BUT DUDE... I'm turning 22 next month!!!! DANG!!!

This morning.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Mat7:7)

As a creative, I find this as a very helpful verse. But I didn't really understand this "divine technique" (LOL, sorry for the term, I don't know what else to call it) until I was really desperate for something...

Matthew 7 is full of Dos and Don'ts. And this one in particular is focused on our relationship with God. It is not all about making a wish, it's about being deep in prayer and being intimate with our Lord Jesus Christ. I used to think that claiming this promise means I will get everything I want I just have to keep on praying about it... God will eventually give it. That may sound okay, but there's something deeper about it. Something more loving about it.

Ever met one of those friends who are naturally smart. Who don't have to study too hard but they get higher marks than we do even if we studied twice as hard? Well, in an art school I have classmates that are just naturally creative with ideas. They come up with ideas that I WISH I had first. It's just BRILLIANT and I wonder why God didn't give me such an awesome idea. Half the time I'm stuck on a creative-block-dilemma and I have to rush my project and it comes out ... uninspiring boring piece of crap. And I keep praying and praying that God gives me cool ideas. Ideas that are better than anyone else's.

There was one time when I became desperate for an idea. I came to God begging just to help me get started for a project. I kept asking and asking in my prayer until I grew tired of asking. I was ready to just say Amen and stop but without me realizing my prayer transitioned into me singing. Singing of His love and How much I want to be with Him and became oh so grateful of His mercies on me even though I don't deserve it. I didn't realize that I totally forgot that I was praying for ideas. I was worshiping Him with all my heart, soul, and strength at that very moment. I felt His presence and all of a sudden... IDEAS were flowing out ...

I guess this "divine technique" is about what really is to ask, to seek, and to knock for. Sometimes we're too caught up with what we need and the problems that we forget our purpose. What we really need is to focus on God, to worship and glorify Him in everything we do. And when we do, GOD WILL TRULY PROVIDE! He will He will!

Thank You Lord for renewing my creativity.

The entire clan thinks I'm smart.

Eeeeep!

----P.S.

For some reason, many people think I'm smart. I mean it's not bad to have that rep... but I'm a bit burdened by it especially right now. I remember when one of my childhood friends who I went to school with in elementary and high school and now we're in university together said to me, "Diane... you're not that smart. All these years I've always thought you're smart. You're just like me!"

LMAO. Oh Michael's revelation of the real Diane shocked him... poor kid.

Is it things that I say? Do I look smart? DO I SMELL SMART?! What is it? I remember talking to someone about doing a saying-no-without-hurting-his-feelings to a guy who asked me out. It's not really special. It's the same typical story. I don't know HOW I told the story but she said, "Diane, you're a smart girl." I was kinda taken aback by that remark. I thought, man... I fooled someone again. LOL!

What do I think? I don't think I'm a smart girl. As Michael said, I think I'm just like everyone. I don't even get great marks in school... I don't even think I'm a good student. LOL! And honestly, I am struggling to get over this university thing. Without God I would have already given up. Without God, I wouldn't even get into a university in the first place. The whole admission thing is REALLY a miracle - really!

Sigh... now I need all the prayers in the world to get this school thing off my back. When a relative asks what's taking so long.. I feel like saying "because I'm stupid." LOLLLL!!