*a tag-lish post.

"musta na po? sana kapag naka-uwi ka po dito sa philippines dalawin mo naman ako... malayo ka na kasi eh... kung malapit ka lang ba eh, e sana magkasama tayo madalas... syempre, ibang level ka na po kasi kaya feeling ko mejo nakaka-ilang ka na din kung makakasama kita.. pero malay ko lang? basta dito lang ako, jan ka lang... tama naman diba? hehehe... basta, hope to see you whenever you get back here... ayt? ingats!"

Hindi naman naging kami. Hindi ko rin naman naisip na magiging kami. Bata pa naman kasi kami noon. Pero ganoon talaga mga bata sa Pilipinas, madami ng drama wala pang Grade 1. Nagkakilala kami nung naging magkaklase kami nung Grade 5. Pinomrote siya ng teacher sa A-class (smart class) kasi daw mashadong madali daw sa kanya yung A1. Nilagay siya doon kasi napaka class clown niya. Hindi nakikinig, napakaingay, at lahat ng guro ay pinagtitripan.

Sa Rosevelt College, Cainta, Rizal ako nag elementary sa Pilipinas. Nilipat kami dun ni Mama nung Grade 4 ako kasi nagtaas daw tuition ng Miracle Life Christian Academy sa Quezon City. Normal lang na lagpas sa labing limang istudyante sa isang klase. Nasa smart class ako. Kahit feeling ko ay medyo parang ang bobo ko. Grade 5 na ako e hirap na hirap pa rin ako sa fraction. Out of the 55 students sa A class, 15 lang ang mga lalaki. Pero in fairness, apat siguro sa kanila at nasa top-10 honor's list. Isa sa 15 na yun si Gemouel. Bawat student ay mayroong number. Girl- 12 ako, si Gemouel Boy-13. Hindi ko siya mashadong pinapansin nung simula. Wala naman kasing siniseryoso yung class-clown. Walang ginawa kung hindi magpatawa o mangasar.

* * *

Umuulan. Tinatamad nanamang magturo yung adviser namin. Sa bagay, boring naman talaga Geography, pati siya siguro e nabato na sa pinagaaralan namin. Dahil madaming free time, pinaparusahan ni teacher yung mga batang maiingay. Ano bang klaseng parusa 'to? Karaoke naman ata ang tawag dito. Kulang na lang ng microphone at ng tv. At saka, kaming mga tahimik ata ang pinarurusahan. Mga masasakit sa tenga mga boses nila.

"Si Gemouel," sabi ni Christina, class secretary namin. Siya taga lista ng mga maiingay sa klase.

Hindi pa nakakatayo si Gemouel sa upuan niya e hindi na ako interesadong makinig. Kung pwede lang i fast-forward mga kanta e napindot ko na yung cassette player. Hawak ko ang salamin galing sa wallet ni Antonio. Grade 5 palang e napakabastos na. Nilalagay ba naman yung salamin sa sahig para mamboso. Buti na lang ay napansin ko bago ako tumayo. Inapakan ko saka ko dinampot.

Nagdidisisyon pa rin si Gemouel kung anong kakantahin niya. Iba ang tindig niya ngayon. Siguro dahil pinaparusahan siya. Wala siya sa comfort zone niya. Medyo mahinahon than usual. Ang soft ng ngiti niya. Parang anghel. Pero PARANG LANG. Inasar ba naman ako sa height ko kanina. Kung magsalita siya e feeling napaka tangkad niya. Hindi ko get kung bakit ako ang pinagtitripan, e masmaliit si Sheila sa akin.

"Moffats." Hay naku, walang sawa. Puro Moffats na lang ang mga alam kantahin nitong mga nasa klase ko. Sa ilong naman lumalabas boses.

"I miss you like crazy. Even more than words can say. I miss you like crazy. Every minute of everyday. Girl I'm so down, when your love's not around. I miss you, miss you, miss you. I miss you like crazy."

"KLANGGGGG!" Natauhan ako sa ingay. Wala na ang salamin sa kamay ko. Dito lang ako, diyan ka lang.

I woke up 2 hours ago. It's already 2:15 AM. BLEH! Let's read a story...

Something didn't feel right. She tries to call him on time. She tries to stay home more often. She tries to stay away from making friends. She didn't want to make Darren upset. Clare just didn't want to start a fight.

"Are you happy with me?" Darren's question numbed Clare.

"Yeah..." She swallowed after a pause. It was strange. It's the right answer, but it was hard to say. Her throat was stiff. Clare held it back. It was good that he couldn't see her face through the phone. Her face said too much.

Clare knew Darren. She knew his comeback to the truth. "I do everything for you. What else do you want me to do?" She was scared to hear this. She knew that line meant she has to stay. She had no answer to that question. She loved him but she's young. Clare wanted to experience what it's like to be herself. There was nothing for him to do but to let go.

"Me, too!" Darren said enthusiastically. "Justin and his girl broke up today." Darren told a story about his neighbor. Clare couldn't pay attention. She shoved her face in her pillow, it was wet. It silenced the deep pain. "Oh, he just texted me. He said he really needs someone to chill with."

"Okay. Go ahead, cheer him up. He needs you." Clare sniffed but Darren didn't notice. Her chest wanted to explode, her mouth wouldn't open. The pain traveled to her arms. "Good night."

"Good night, baby." Darren waited. "You're not going to say I love you?"

"I love you." She meant it.

"I love you, too." Darren was happy. He waited for the click. She wasn't hanging up. "Baby? Why aren't you hanging up?"

This was her last chance. Clare needed to tell him.

Click. Beep, beep, beep...

I had a dream that I skipped one class and my entire life went down. I had to let go of all my courses, my minitries, and even some relationships....

... Just because I skipped one class.

Oh dear.

C'mon Dee... second last week. Don't let it go to waste.

7:30AM 0/1250.

8:30AM 529/1250

9:30AM 900/1250

10:00 AM 1100/1250

10:30 AM 1249/1250 -- lol

TIme Due: 2:00 PM

It's 12:54. That felt alright. lol!

... for short hair. =S

LOL!

So, I admit... none of my recent entries really are real entries. But hey, at least I'm still alive. lol

Last night I had tofu and iced tea for dinner. It doesn't sound as bad as it reads.

Sometimes I cry and laugh all in one page. Thanks Ate Sheelz!

P.S. This is feeling a lot like twitter. lol

June 12 came and passed. And to be honest, I felt no connection towards what I used to call home. Ok maybe a little. Very little.

I am not one of those hardcore "Filipino Pride" people. But if I was asked, I won't deny it. It's a fact, nothing more than that. If I was asked about my citizenship, I say I'm Canadian. It's a fact, nothing more than that.

I can't really be proud of something I had no choice in deciding. I was born into it. If I was born white, black, yellow, brown, green, orange, purple... I'd have no choice but to embrace it. 'Cause that's just a fact.

When I hear stories about Lapu-Lapu, Andres Bonifacio and Jose Rizal, I appreciate it but I doesn't affect me in a way ... I guess, that it should. Their hard work and the pain they went though is admirable, but where am I in there? What is my place in that part of history. If they didn't stand up for the Filipinos... would I be any different? If right at this very second, the Philippines is still under the American ruling, would I be very different? Where would I be?

When I hear stories about John A. MacDonald... and other white people of Canadian History, I don't feel any different either. Sure, they made Canada what it is today but where am I in that part of history? Would I be any different if they didn't take over Canada? Where would I be instead of here?

Hmmm... maybe I need to know more facts?

I don't know... Am I suppose to feel proud? Or is it okay that I feel neutral about it?

I soaked my finger in ferric chloride. (The stuff that we use to bathe the zinc plates in etching). Now it's wrinkly and yellow. EW!

"Iron(III) chloride is toxic, highly corrosive and acidic. The anhydrous material is a powerful dehydrating agent."

Yay, my finger will fall off!

------

I saw someone today that I haven't seen in years. She goes to McMaster (neuro-science major) but I saw her at UTM "stealing" our library. It's summer time so I didn't mind. She introduced me to her best friend who is co-stealing the library. While my friend was talking, she stopped with a shocked look, her hands covered her open mouth as she stared at my left hand.

"Oh my god..."

I thought she was looking at my belly, is it THAT big?

"...Are you engaged?!"

Hmm. Am I? Has he asked me to marry him? Yes. What did I say? Yes. So does that make me engaged? I guess so.

"Maybe..." Yup, quite a convincing answer. I didn't think they'd buy it.

"Aww! With that guy, right?" Ha, they did.

"Yup." Last time I saw her, we had dinner with Pao.

"Oh my god, congrats! You better not be having babies next year or something. I'd be so disappointed."

Friday - Wonderland, Youth Night

Saturday - DVBS Meeting, Cotillion Practice, Sushi Buffet Dinner

Sunday - Church, Backyard BBQ, House Party

My voice may not sound good, but I feel good. lol

Also, it's my 3rd year anniversary weekend! Yay! =)

Pinoy TV (GMA 7) is usually what's on the Flores household telly.

Host: Anong feeling na maging baby bubblebee?

Kid (wearing a bubblebee costume): 'Di ako baby!!

BUAHAHAHHAHA!

Tomorrow will be my final exam for Semiotics then I will be good to go! YAY! (Going where? Nowhere really, but nonetheless, yay!) At exactly 6PM I will walk out of the SE gym with relief on my face, and maybe a pinch of worry... but more on relief. I will be done Summer school 2009.

But for now... I am studying. I am learning all these definitions that I will probably forget a few minutes after the examination. I'm hoping to get an A so I'll get an A overall mark for the course. I got an A on the midterm and a B on the essay. (She wanted more... but she deducts marks if its too long. I don't get it.)

SO breaking the spine on this Danesi text, "Understanding Media Semitocs." It's an easy read... but he blabs and blabs. And then blabs. Some more.

Final Exam Essay Question:

With reference to Goffman and Berger, discuss the representation of gender difference in advertising. How does advertising depict both men and women and place them within a social hierarchy? How does Goffman suggest that we "test" the realibility and strength of a particular gender stereotype?

Hm, sounds like a lot of fun to write. (Insert sarcasm here)

I promised I won't give up, you promised you'll make it easier. Right? Right? RIGHT?!

I'm glad I don't have a celly. But I do realize that I need it. Especially when they have to meet up with me, and they don't know how to find me. HAHA! Love playing hide and seek.

There are two things that I started avoiding - cellphones and MSN. Those two things caused a lot of unnecessary fights between Pao and me. Even though it's nothing - it turns out to be something. I didn't think of it as anything but now that I'm the one seeing it happen... I guess I understand why. So many people are being played around. So many things being hidden (then eventually gets discovered) from people. And all this are going to cause so many people pain. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming it on the media. Just some people are manipulating it to their advantage. They don't realize that it's souls they're playing around with.

It's funny though, now that I've stopped going online everyday, there are people who I feel I missed out a lot on. It seems like my relationship with those people are a bit strictly online. Which makes me a little sad. And to be honest, I don't even know how to approach them in real life. LOL.

Anyway...

To anyone who asked (Mae, Carlo SR, Hannah, Bryan), I'm sorry I didn't answer the question but thank you for asking. I lied to you or stayed quiet because I didn't even know what to say. But you're right I wasn't feeling okay. I think it's safe to say I feel better now. Or at least, I'm trying. Because of you guys, I know God's here with me. You asking meant a lot to me. God bless.

I like being saved.