I don't see how this is any different...

Is this just "nakakahiya?" Is it why I can't put things up here that needs to be addressed?

I'm sorry but this is not any different in the Bible when the apostles point out something that is wrong to the Christian community in the Bible times. They did not just not push it away just because it's "nakakahiya" but because it had to be said.

But here we go again. I guess I'm getting myself involved in this. AND maybe you are right. This isn't the best way of dealing with this. It's just frustrating to see nothing is being changed. But who am I to do this, right? I got no right. But if you read this whole thing, this isn't just about me pointing out other people's mistakes. I've got plenty of pointing out MINE in here.

So again, detaching time. It shouldn't even bother me. 

I reactivated my account and I filled out my loan forms. I'm just waiting for my papers to arrive within 2 weeks according to the person on the phone. I am excited and scared about this. I messed up big time last time. AND I'm going to try this again. This will be a struggle, I can already feel it. AH! I get distracted way too easily. I need someone to slap me when I do. LOL! This is the biggest struggle for me AT THIS MOMENT. I can't help to see what people that I've graduated with in high school have accomplished already... even people younger than me. One's working as an engineer in an airplane company, one is a banker, another's been a freelance artist ever since she was in grade 11, one has been traveling all over the world. Oh and even people younger than me are doing way much better! One girl I know is now working in the fashion industry as a coordinator and another one is modeling. Which makes me just want to ask myself - "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!" 6 billion Christmases? -__-'

Yesterday, Hannah and I went to UTM to reactivate our ROSI account. Well they didn't do it for us, they just told us how to do it. I don't understand why couldn't they have instructions on how to do it on ROSI? Pao was there with us. The three of us were wearing orange. Haha, we're silly like that. Pao even called Hannah that night just so we could all match. -_-' After UTM, we went to No Frills to do some grocery shopping so we could cook at my house. They wanted to try out my special receipe - Pasta Alfredo. Not so special but it's something I make from scratch. When we got home, we had fun messing up our kitchen. Haha! Pao and Hannah were chopping vegetables and other stuff. They were such awesome people to be in the kitchen with. HAHA! After that, we fed the family and played Mario Kart on Wii. It was hilarious. After that Kuya Carlo came to pick us p to go to Tita Sol's bible study.

All in all, had an awesome fun day. I can't wait when Pao goes back to school as well! He's coming back hopefully this coming fall. So we both have something to look forward to - *ahem* Vancouver. 

I don't think it's wrong to plan ahead, it's actually good. It's just a bit disappointing when things that were planned don't come through. We plan to prepare ourselves but then we also have to prepare just in case things don't go as planned. I really don't get scared when things like that happen, I kinda just go with it because I have no choice. It's a loller, but it's true. It's like "Oh dear, oh well... meh." In a way, I do have blue prints for plan A, but I forget to make one for Plan B, Plan C, and if it goes really way off track, a Plan D. Maybe I can't just breeze through life like it's nothing. It's becoming a bit shallow now. Sometimes I feel lost, but I'll let the wind push me whatever direction. HAHA! Y'know what I mean? I don't know if it's a bad thing or not because I've only been doing this and nothing else. I'm driven most by passion and not by what people say about me. If I feel like something, then there we go.. Dee is over there. HAHA!

Remember high school days? When we didn't even have to think just to pass? When everything was done for us? (Yay for Guidance Counselors). I totally had a different plan. I had a different boyfriend then, I didn't like church and family then, i had different friends, etc. So the plan was for me to go to York University and take Media Arts while my ex would be in the same school taking Business classes in Schulich. Then, we'll graduate, get married, move somewhere really FAR away and be like super rich. I'll be working in a TV Production Industry as he finishes his Law school. We'll have kids, blah blah blah... the end.

Well OBVIOUSLY, that's not the plan I'm going for anymore.

Well it all started when I got into UTM instead of York. I would have gotten into York but I decided UTM is a lot closer to my house and it's just practical and I'll save a lot more money. Even though York has a better Art and design program, I just went with the flow. Then after that, my ex and I broke up, totally crushed me because that was like my first break up. Things kinda messed up after that but relationship wise, I'm happy and grateful with who I am with right now. Also, I understood more how important the church and the family is to me.

So what's the plan now?

I honestly don't know. I'm kind of sticking my hand in dark places to see if it's safe or not. There is more research involved now than just having a non-flexible plan. I remember my boyfriend and I were talking about it on the phone and he would always be like, "Wait.. What if [this] happened instead?" And I can't disregard that because it's true, things will not always go according to our plan. For example, we were talking about having pets and the question of who's going to take care of it always comes up now. Before it would be, "Sure, no problem." There's more factors to it than just having a cute pet in the house. So it ends up being "We'll see when we're there." Right now, everything is quite foggy. No absolutes, no solid plans. And to tell you the truth, no long term goal. For now, all I want to do is graduate.

I don't even know where to start. Even with the church, I'm still uncertain of what my role is in the church. The whole gift test thing, with all honesty, I really don't rely on it. I'm not against it, just not something I rely on. I believe it's more of what God opens up for me and make it as a need in the church. When the church needed more teachers, I said yes to it even though I didn't think I'd enjoy it, but I LOVED IT! That's more like how I see gifts are discovered. And I'm not even certain if the church I'm attending now is where I'm gonna be fully used. So with that one, I really have no plan. Because gifts develop not for me to say "I have this gift" but because God wants me to be used for his kingdom not mine. So whatever goes.. goes.

Right now, I have this unexplainable attraction towards Vancouver. It just suddenly came over me. LOL! I don't even know what's there! I'm not saying it's some sort of divine thing where I magically just loved it because I was made to go there.. LOL No, no. Nothing like that. I believe it was last year when Pao asked me if I wanted to move there, if ever the opportunity came. I initially said no because I wanted to be close to my family. But now, that kinda didn't matter anymore. I mean, I can still visit them, right? I mentioned it to him again and of course he likes the idea. But we never know, maybe it's just some random hype I'm getting. Maybe I'm made to stay in Toronto. (yeah, yeah, Mississauga, whatevs).

I don't even know the point of this entry. I'm just rambling about my thoughts. So with all of that in mind, let's watch this video.

YEAH, RANDOM! Anyways, Charo randomly messaged me today about school stuff. Which I LOVE because I know she's doing homework and doing great.

This is a random WEIRD entry. I need to take my medication.

Rome tagged me as someone she will ask for fashion advice. I was like, "seriously?!" Haha. It's good to know.

Well, it's not much of a secret but this is what I do when it comes to fashion. Warning though, I'm no expert.

1. I don't get into things I'm not comfortable in. 'Cause even if it looks good on models, and I can't rock it because I'm somewhat limping, that's just plain ugly. Or if I'm constantly pulling down an ultra mini skirt because I'm conscious of my thunder thighs - not a good thing to see.
2. As I mentioned on the first part, the clothes I wear MUST feel good on me. Personally, I think I have big thighs, so when it comes to skirts I always have to ask someone around me if it looks good. Of course, someone who isn't afraid to tell me "No, you look fat in that skirt." I usually ask my sister and my dad. When they approve, it means I look good. Don't be scared to show off your arms or your legs. We're conscious just because we don't look exactly like the Photoshopped girls in the magazine. Reality check, they don't look that good in real life. People notice when I feel beautiful.
   
3. When I'm not sure if I look good or not, I don't leave the house wearing that. 'Cause sometimes, it looks good in my head the night before but once I put them all together physically it looks a bit awkward. So I'm always prepared to what else might look good. 

When it comes to shopping for clothes this is what I do.

1. I dare to be different. Not all "different" is a good thing but blending in with the crowd is boring. What I do when I shop for clothes is first, I look around in the mall what everyone is wearing. If everyone already has it, I'm not getting it. (LOL). So the rule is to not blend in with the crowd but blend in within myself. When picking colors, I don't just pick one that looks good on a hanger. I have to check if it's good with my skin, it has to blend together like they love each other, LOL. Each article of clothing I wear must blend with each other as well. Yes, different patterns can go well together. Just have to experiment.
2. I'm not a full trend follower, but I do shop for it when it looks good on me. I know which parts of my body needs to "hide" so I have to shop for clothes that have styles that will allow me to hide the flaws. For example, I have short legs and my butt is not proportioned to the rest of my body. (It matured faster or something, LOL) So I can't wear jeans that are super low because it will make me look like I have a bigger butt and I have shorter legs.
   
3. I usually know what patterns, styles, and accesories that will come out 2 seasons ahead. I'm no fashion expert but I have signed up for fashion newsletters. I'm actually part of a club that sends newsletters when designer clothes and accesories go on sale. (Temperley London, Giorgio Armani, Sara Berman, Ports 1961, Mac, etc). I don't shop there because it would usually be like Original Price: $900, sale price $200.  Yeah... so what I do is I imitate the styles from cheaper brands so I'm not ashamed to say, I do shop at Wal-Mart for clothes. If you want to be part of the club, leave a message and I'll send you a link to your email.
4. When I'm not sure if I want to buy it, I don't. Because it'll end up in the box to Salvation Army. Even if it was only $5, that's still a waste of $5.
   
5. I buy stuff by outfits so when I grab it in my closet, I know what will go with it. It avoids the I-don't-know-what-to-wear mornings. It doesn't completely take it away from me, but it lessens the problem.
6. I found my favourite stores. Stores that have my sizes and cut available. Woot Petite Stores!
   

I don't know what else to say, but this might be one of the most useless thing I've posted here. LOL!

I am thinking of converting this blog into a vlog. I know it's a crazy idea, but I'm thinking it would benefit more if I had practice talking than just me typing aimlessly here. I know I can write, but I need to challenge myself when it comes to speaking to other people. Totally suck at that.

If only I could post up a poll in here then I could get people to vote. haha! But since I can't, y'all got no choice. HAHA! I keed.

It will be a friends-only thing in the beginning and if ever, maybe I'll decide to make it public. (Kinda like Facebook with their "Harvard" only, lol) I will add you as a friend whether I know you or not if you're interested. =) But if you're in for porn, I'm sorry but you'll be gravely disappointed.

I'm thinking of making it more of a critique for me in the beginning to know which direction I'm going to have to venture to in my career. I'm thinking more in terms of art and design and just figuring out myself and where I really am in the field. 'Cause DEE IS SO LOST! I probably won't do much of singing, but if ever requested I shall.

So what do you guys think of this idea?

Also, I will be posting the videos here but I need a video hosting site. Of course I already made a YouTube account but I don't know how to make it only embeddable but not viewable in YouTube. Does anyone know if that's even possible? Haha. I are n00b, rawr. Figured it out! It is possible. =)

I haven't started yet, you'll know when the layout of this whole thing has changed. Tabulas is my guinea pig.

... how contradicting.

The word "summer" is such a fun and freeing word, until you add "school" after it. Bleh.

But I'm doing this for myself. Going to have some sacrifices to get where I'm supposed to be. The only part that I hate about this is missing family outings. I love them! I have no problem missing the church family camp. I mean, that just gets repetative anyway. BUT why OH why does my family have to be so much fun? I asked them to move it a week later but my mom refuses to bring it up to the family. Maybe, I should bring it up. Just a week after wouldn't hurt them, right? =(

Anyways, I'm still re-thinking my plans about the vlogs.

I need a job that would let me work once or twice a week because my school schedule is already CRAZY, I'm not even in it yet. I truly hope someone would call me today for an interview. I already got a semi-interview yesterday. Call me Payless ShoeSource. *wink* *wink*

I feel like I'm in a life-just-kicked-you-in-the-arse rehab. You know, the steps from denial, admitting, blah blah blah... I'm going through a lot of those these days. I'm also becoming more aware of my surroundings to the point that when a car drives by in my street, I get nervous. My chest hurts now. I don't even know if that makes sense to you. I feel insane. Oh dear.

My Flickr account is back, check that out. I have a picture of Coco and another one of Erika. They're not the best pictures I've ever taken but it's a start. I suck at taking good pictures, I'm just better at editing ugly pictures I take. So here we go photography, give me another chance to be better.

There's a plan I don't know about. I ask, no one gives me answers. Are we still moving?!

temporary layout. I am attempting to use jQuery. I don't even know if Tabulas will let me. But if you see this page a bit meesed, now you know why.

Tabulas won't let me use Php and javascript. Weee... So scratch that. Didn't think it would work anyway. Finally got that bar thing to work without using Dreamweaver. I feel like such a n00b. This looks so web 2.0-ish.

Ugh. I feel so nasty. I haven't been this sick for a long time. So yeah, just when I promised myself I'll be good on this retry, a bunch of weird and ugly situations gets thrown at me. I don't like being sick. I was thinking of being productive today. (lol) Next time Pao and I go out together, I'll make sure he's not sick. The Morales family's sick, too. Hope they feel way better than I am.

Good News. My parents haven't told us siblings for some reason but I think we're still moving to the new house. I don't understand why but I'm not even going to ask. I won't ask because they're avoiding us asking, but everybody else knows. Good thing information spread like fire in our community. No secret is truly a secret. I'm still switching rooms with Jen though since most of my clothes are already there. I'm just waiting for my dad to finish up the renovations he's doing there. It's taking him a while and his excuse was that The Home Depot was closed yesterday. Yeah, okay there.

Also, Ate Anah gave birth to a little baby girl - Phoebe Balasadas. It's still hard to distinguish who she really looks like. I heard she's stirring up insomia in the Nunez residence. Haha, oh such little lungs but huge sound. When I first heard her cry, I thought it was someone's ring tone.

Nothing else is worth blogging about. I'm a little drained already and I haven't even started school yet. I'm just waiting until I finish undergraduate. I seriously can't wait. In times like this I wish I went to college instead of university. But God has a reason for everything. There is a time to be held back, and a time to move forward. I wonder what His plans are for me.

... I want yogurt. =(

April is taking forever.

Go away April, let May have it's turn. I don't like you.

His original one:

He sent me a website he was trying to copy, so I that's what I did without making it look so plain. The teacher said it needed to look less plain. So I added some color but still simple.

Here's my li'lnote for him on how to do it. (LOL!) I have ugly writing .... bleh.

Looks like school notes.

Weee, theothercarlo wanted to see. =)

Canada decided we should have longer winter weather. WHY?! It was already warm 2 weeks ago. Everyone's sick because of this weather. C'mon Spring, push Winter away, please and thank you.

I had garlic roast beef in tomato soup and quiche for dinner at IKEA. It was pretty awesome. The only meal I had today because my tastebuds are sick as well. I even refused chocolate - Sweden chocolate. It's pretty close to Swiss chocolate which means it's good. But my stomach didn't want to take it, smelling it made me feel like puking. Such an ugly feeling. I had yogurt with it though and I like Irresistables better than Silhouette. Irresistables is creamier and less tangy.

Moving to the new room, hopefully this week. =)

I am relearning how to do CSS, and I'm a bit excited that it's working! I haven't tested it on IE but it should work. My coding's all over the place though because I'm not working on TextEdit. I just plug it on on the template editor here on Tabulas. I'll organize it later. I'm not entirely done with my layout but this will do for now since I'm running out of ideas - I hate being sick. If God would one day come to me and grant me ONE wish it would be to be more creative. I am so frustrated with my lack of inspiration, imagination, and knowledge. Ugh! I'm scared to take the creativity test.

Payless hasn't called yet. I was hoping they would. If not Payless, hopefully Shoppers Drug Mart. Kung hindi mag g-GRO ako. SUPER JOKE! Oh dear, what a bad joke. My level of desperation has not hit rock bottom yet. I'm not even thinking of how much I'm getting, I just want to get mula. I also heard that Ontario's minimum wage went up recently to $9.50. I asked Tita Neri to get me back into Timmies, I already gave my Resume.

I just want to straighten up the unnecessary creases. Make life as smooth as it can possibly be.

I got invited to Mafia Wars application on Facebook way too many times this week. I kept on clicking "Ignore" but I end up getting another one. So I decided to click my way into joining the Mafia and all I have to do is click on things and I level up and I get money to buy properties, weapons, vehicles, etc. 

Cash Flow: $835 every 60 minutes. Next paid in: 31 minutes and 55 seconds.

If it was only that easy.

Games has this illusion of an easier life. Ever played "The Sims"? It's suppose to simulate a human community or at least it tries. It says if you keep your mood, hygiene, health, etc. up and read a few books for skill points then you'll be promoted every 3 days or so. How realistic! (insert sarcasm here).

I've noticed that I get easily frustrated lately. I'm probably just getting impatient with what I could have. Knowing how I could be better off now if I changed some decisions I made in the past year. Ugh! Oh well, I gotta deal with what I have now.

I was watching Fringe last night — DANG! I love the show. I used to think that Walter was just some smart scientist who's way too smart to understand how serious the situation is but last night's episode showed me a side of him I've never seen before. A deeper part of his character. Which is fresh and great to watch because we're seeing most of Olivia's side of the story. They got rid of their 3D graphics though. I wish they didn't.

Dedicated entry. Ok this is going to be a bit emo. You've been warned.

Don Mariñas took a bullet for you! (Effect: 1/2 damage)

Everytime I feel down, I usually push him away. I always think that someone else can make me feel better or he is not capable of making me feel secure and content. All he's going to say is "It's okay, baby." and then I'll scream back, "NO! IT'S NOT OKAY!" then thats it. I also thought that I am worthy so much more than him. I felt that I am working so hard for my future and he isn't even doing anything about it. Doesn't he realize that his future is my future as well?! I've been bitter about it for about a year now. I've always wanted out, I had very little faith in him. When he said, "I'm doing the best I can for you, for us!" To me that was so insincere and deceptive. I wanted more than words and when he couldn't live up to my standards I just push him down so low. I was the one feeling "stuck" because I couldn't get out of this relationship.

But today was different. Today... he showed me a love I didn't deserve. I just realized now how beautiful of a person he really is. Now I understand how important I am to him. How delicate, marvelous, and oh so faithful. He is so good that it felt so wrong to even take it. As if it's not fair because I can't match it! If the situation was switched I wouldn't act the way he did. It felt like I was stealing, and that I'm the unworthy one. I couldn't help but cry when he made it sound fine. "Why are you crying? Is it because you're making me do this?" And he laughed like I shouldn't even be surprised. He made me feel this is how it's suppose to be. This is what it meant when he said he's got my back. Ah, I am so thankful.

I'm thankful I'm going through this crap because it made me realize how grateful I should be to have him. I'm glad it happened now before I pushed him away even more. Sending my love and kisses to Victoria Park. Muah*

I TOLD YOU EMO 'TO! Yuck, di bagay sa akin.

It's official. I won't be able to make it to family camp. (...and the crowd boos from disappointment).

The government won't give me money if I don't become a full-time summer student. Two years ago, my mom paid for my spring and summer education but I don't think she can afford to do that for me again. Money, oh money, I don't like having you as an issue. My schedule is a bit crazy compare to other summer spring schedules.

FAS232H5 F is a studio course that's twice a day and twice a week. YUP, time to live in the school. I don't even know if I can do this. I can work Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. I just hope I can handle it. I'll be having this for 2 months. Wow, only 2 months. I really hope I do well this coming sessions. I'm a bit anxious but I HAVE to do this. Here we go God, lead the way!

P.S. Intenet Explorer suck. Go self-destruct or something.

I am going to attend a conference in Burlington called "Water" hosted by Blown Away Children's Ministry. One of the keynote speaker is Phil Vischer, one of the creators of VeggieTales and I'm excited to hear him speak. It's a bit disappointing that we'll be missing a lot of things due to availability of people that will drive us to the conference. As a volunteer Sunday school teacher, I'm really hoping I could learn a lot from the event. I don't even know what to expect, my first time to one of these things. Newbie! (*packs notebook, pen, and camera)

Oh, I'm going to get a haircut. I want to cut it short even though Pao like it better when I have long hair. Well, he doesn't really mind he just thinks I look better with longer hair. The reason I want to cut it short is because I want to be able to use my Gatsby. (click to see a hilarious epic commercial) I don't know when yet, I might decide not to because I still don't know where to get my haircut. Rome's mom seems to be busy - she's still my favourite. Affordable and people always compliment my hair when I get it cut from her.

Anyways, here's another commercial for Gatsby, a bit freaky if you ask me. (click me)

Phil Vischer is the creator of the biggest Christian children videos called VeggieTales. We were excited to hear him speak about the work he has done for the Lord’s children through his weird and funny ideas. We couldn’t help but be excited sitting right behind him in the main sanctuary! But it was a big surprise to us that instead of talking about God and VeggieTales, he talked about God and himself.

It was great to see the voice behind Bob the tomato. Phil even did a bit of voice acting for us. But it was such a different experience and such a blessing to hear the life behind Bob - the life we didn’t see in his Big Idea DVDs.  He started off telling his story as a passionate child of God wanting to do something for the kingdom. Phil grew up as an Evangelical so Ate Sheila, Tita Precy and I could relate with a lot of things he said. Such as believing in the saying “God can’t drive a parked car.” He then talked about the success of VeggieTales and how he felt that he could be the next Walt Disney. He expanded Big Idea, hired 200 people thinking that this was the next step to do something greater for God. But God didn’t think so. To make the long story short, Phil ended up being sued and he felt that God watched his dream and everything he worked so hard on for the kingdom get packed and be sold away.

In his story Phil learned that God didn’t want him to work so hard that he’s practically killing himself just to “save the world.” He was pursuing his dream for God that he forgot his relationship with God. I loved it when Phil explained that our relationship with God is more important than our work. Sometimes we put God aside and make our ministry above Him. Come to think of it, that makes no sense at all. For our gifts is the result of us loving Him back and accepting Him. So God must be put first before anything else. I hear this a lot but through Phil’s story, it was clearer that my work for God and my relatioship with Him are two different things. Just because I’m doing a lot of things for God, doesn’t mean my relationship with Him is intimate.

Phil also said that he had this big vision for Big Idea. He had such great plans, seeing how the company will be like in a few years. But he went ahead of God’s plan for Him which is why he lost His dream. Just like in Abraham’s life, God asked Phil if he would lay his dream down the altar and kill it. He said, “Sometimes you’ll get it back, sometimes you won’t.” But if we’re not able to kill our biggest ambitions and dreams for God, He won’t be able to use us because whatever is higher than God is a form of idolatry.

Phil then explained that the saying “God can’t drive a parked car” is not a biblical saying. God wants us to wait on Him instead of us taking a step ahead of Him because His time is perfect, not ours. So whatever I will be next year, 5 years, 10 years, and so on is none of my business. That’s God’s business.

I didn't know what to expect in the beginning but now after the experience I must say that I agree with Jaren when he said "It changed my life." The conference was definitely more than just about teaching children. It shaped my way of service to the Lord, not simply another ball to juggle in life but as a holistic offering to Him. I could hear Him talk to me from message to message and as much as it sounded like a lot of work, I felt as if a lot of burden was lifted off my shoulders. Everything just made sense.

Correction from my last post, Phil Vischer is not one of the creators of Veggie Tales, he is THE one and only creator of Veggie Tales. He is also the voice of Bob the Tomato, Mr. Luntz, and the narrator before Larry sings a silly song. He is a talented man! The man was born to tell stories. It's too bad he doesn't own Veggie Tales anymore and I'm a bit sad about it but he's at peace with it so I guess I'll leave it to that. Another speaker is Stephen James (Jaren's favorite) is also a talented storyteller. He actually has a MA in Storytelling from East Tennessee State University. I never knew they offered courses for that. He also went to film school for acting, which is why Jaren had such a great connection with the guy. Awesome, awesome man!

Oh I had so much FUN! Definitely a must go. I recommend anyone who is willing to volunteer in Children's Ministry to attend this conference next year. There's so much resources and even topics that we don't know about, no matter how long you've been going to church. I could go on and on about it but it won't even compare to the entirety of the actual experience.

Anyways, I got home about an hour ago from the conference. I'm a bit tired because we had to travel to Burlington really early. The conference started at 8:30 AM. When it ended, we drove to a Timmies in Mississauga just to discuss things that we learned and things that concerned us in terms of evaluating our church's Children Ministry. After that we dropped off Tita Precy. Ate Sheelz could have dropped me off after but she didn't want to drive to Brampton all by herself because she didn't want to be alone in an unfamiliar neighbourhood. Then she drove back to Mississauga to drop me off and on the way I was really touched by the realization of my connection to Ate Sheelz. She's really someone I look up to and respect.

Ok, this is probably an out of the norm post. I've been doing a lot of that lately. Haha! I guess this is the new norm? *shrugs* I don't even know what I'm saying. Good night to all since I still have to type out my notes from the conference. It's due tomorrow. haha!

I don't know why I'm not that excited about this. Not that I'm disappointed, but in a way it was okay for me to begin with, I expected it, now that it's going for the better it became just a bonus. Thanks to my main man up there.

So the news is I'm can actually go to all the summer events! I didn't try to make it be like that, it just happened that the courses I want to take are in Spring. (CCT and FAH) So my spring schedule is jam packed with good educational stuff. Haha! While my summer will be full with fellowship and more bonding - so much fun! I didn't exactly have the will to make this work but I'm glad it wasn't my will.

My new spring schedule:

Still keeping the studio course but got rid of my Art History class. I forgot to do this last time I posted my old schedule, but here's the course description.

• CCT210H5 Signs, Referents, and Meaning (SSc)
  How written or spoken statements, gestures, and aesthetic objects come to have meanings. How we recognize and fail to recognize such meanings. The nature, systems, and processes of interpretation. The role of mental models.

• WRI203H5 Expressive Writing (NDA)
  Examines theory and offers practice in expressive narrative, the most basic prose mode and the foundation for other prose modes. Students explore ideas about product and process, form and meaning. Students will experiment with syntactic structures to explore how the form of language serves, or fails to serve, intention and the expression of meaning that may be understood and interpreted by others. The course draws on theorists including Aristotle, Chomsky, Elbow, Kinneavy, Britton, Bakhtin.

• FAS232H5 Print Media I (HUM)
  Course conducts a survey of contemporary printmaking practices. Projects in monoprint relief and intaglio examine essential characteristics of printmaking, and issues pertaining to contemporary art discourse. Through projects students develop technical skills and critical abilities necessary for art making. Each project combines research, presentations/discussions and critical thinking.

I don't know if I'll enjoy Expressive Writing but I have to take it because it's a prerequisite for a lot of my 3rd and 4th year courses. OSAP didn't even give me enough money for my spring session. I need a li'l bit over 2K but they're sending me around $900. I'm a bit disappointed but I think I'm going to have to work at least once a week just so I can pay the rest of it. I want to do Children Ministry full time this coming summer, but that doesn't mean I'm letting go of the other ones I'm involved in. There's also the Youth Ministry but my part in that one isn't as heavy for now.

Pray that I do well on my spring classes.

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well"

(NIV, Matthew 6:24-25, 31-33)

I am FINALLY MOVING to my new room. My sister just has a lot of junk in her room. Actually, I was already ready to move last week. Just hard to move my things when there really isn't any space for me to move to. I'm a bit excited to move. I would love to have my own room this coming May so I can concentrate on working on my artwork in my own place. I should really upload more of my work here. I keep saying that but it doesn't happen. It's because I'm sensitive. Haha, but now, I would actually love to be critiqued. So that may come up one day. I'm starting the videos but none has been fully edited. So I am actually starting on things. I should start documenting my work, maybe it'll help me with my decisions in the future.

To Iza, I am so sorry I haven't finished any of the layouts after Kuya Carlo. I'm actually working on Ate Jeline's and now Angel doesn't havea blog anymore so I would love to work on yours as soon as I finish Ate Jeline's. But if you'd like to do it yourself that is fine with me. =) I actually loved your work back in the Asian Avenue days. Haha! I must say, I had better work back then than now. O_o... Hmm... that says something...

Anyways, MOVING TIME!

... I am Dee!

My day usually starts with a call from the bank to tell me I have to pay my credit card bills. Then I lay down on my bed the whole morning thinking of what to do next. What can I do to save myself and the world? I mean as a Christian, I feel that I have to be Jesus of the world. I have to do be doing miracles and be healing people - whether it be physically or not. I always think of what to do to change the world! And it drives me crazy because I don't have any ability or special privilege to even do anything - I'm stuck in my room, in my house, at church. I try so hard and I think I'm driving a lot of people away. Instead of bringing them closer to me, I push them away. But I realized, I'm doing this all wrong.

I am not the one to save the world or pretend I'm Jesus. I remember Phil Vischer said the saying "God can't drive a parked car," is unbiblical. I don't have to be part of all the ministry at church. I don't have to help everyone at church who has a problem. I don't have to keep myself busy for the kingdom. I don't because that's my own strength. I'm not suppose to do that.

"but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

(NRSV, II Cor 12:9)

It's Christ's strength in me that will work, and not mine. And His strength will do His work in me, not my work. Right now all I've been hearing Him say to me is wait on Him. I've been trying to do something that's way ahead of His plan. Maybe because I'm excited to find out. But curiosity killed the cat. I don't want it to kill me, too. I still don't know what to do.

I guess it makes my journey with Him a lot faster. I don't have to go through ups and down with a huge rock on my shoulder called Earth. All I have to do right now is wait and walk with Him.

P.S. My first night in my new room! It feels good to have privacy. It's not ultimate because the door has no lock, but at least I'm not sharing my room with anyone. Wow, last time I had my own room before this was when 13 years ago. 

Awesome, awesome, song!

 I can totally hear Phil from the narrator's voice. haha. =)

I love watching these. <3

 Clyde and Ian are so jokes.

In old movies, when people struck oil people rejoice, celebrate, and dance around under the black shower. I didn't get it as a kid, I mean, why would you like to take a shower with oil? Yuck! Until someone told me that oil is expensive and they can sell it for a high price. Because it's something that can't be made and it has so many uses. And now there's a new liquid gold and that's water.

I remember when bottled water first came out in the Philippines. I wasn't used to it and I thought that was a bit stupid. "Why would people buy water when you can get it at home?" I was young, I didn't understand the concept of purifying water. I thought it would be such a waste of money. But now, all over the world, there are so many different brands of bottled water coming from different areas. Here in North America, I can get them in any store and in any vending machines. My dad recently visited the Philippines and said that vendors would carry huge drums of "clean" water and sell it in the neighborhoods.... this business didn't exist 20 years ago!

We are running out of clean fresh water. Many companies know this that they are privatizing many of the fresh waters all over the world. It may not sound like such a problem because we can afford water, but what about the people in the third world countries who can't? Water is an essential part of life, like air. People cannot last long without water, just as people can't last without air. But these companies are taking people's right to live by taking away their right to water. It may not sound so dangerous because we just expect water to come out of our tap. But what if it doesn't? What if a day comes when there is no more available water, even for me? A middle class Jane in a developed country?

Water WILL NOT last forever. Many people already have died not simply from the dehydration, but also from fighting for the right to live. Understand this, people who own the water pretty much owns your life. We buy bottled water, and we are condoning these private companies to take away the rights of the people in poor countries who have no choice but to export their water because the country is in huge debts.

I have been introduced to this 2 years back. I am trying my best to avoid bottled water as much as possible. I admit, I get them especially when we're in places where there is no clean water... but I'm slowly changing my lifestyle so maybe little by little, I can make a difference. I just feel so wrong that I could be contributing in taking so many children's lives simply by spending less than $2.00 for a bottled water I barely even finish.

God made water for us, not to be used to kill but for all of His creations to live. We are destroying lives... what about our children? Will they still have water when we're gone?

Blue Planet Project (Canada)

Another one from the series but by The Bentley Brothers.

I switched from Youtube to Tangle because Tangle has better quality. =) Also correction frommy last post. It's Clive not Clyde. haha! I hope you're enjoying the series because I am!

 Our church has been sending buckets of used clothes, utencils, and non-perishable foods to different parts of the Philippines. I thought this was such a great mission but we should be doing more of it. I thought it would great if we can get not just adults, but the youth and the kids get into it. I mean, if we want missional adults at church, we need the next generations to be raised missional as well.

I also appreciate that some of the youth and adults of our church are contributing to the community though helping in the food drive and encouraging the elderly in the retirement homes. The men are also trying to reach out to the men and boys through the basketball events every week in Scarborough. I'd like to thank everyone who is involved for showing the passion to reach out.

We're setting up a mission month for the children soon. We thought of starting off with what our church is already doing (love cargo) then move on from there. If there's anyone who have resources we can use for the children, such as missionary stories, images, videos... we would love your help! Either email me (d.flores@utoronto.ca) or comment below for links that we can use.

 I worked out yesterday and passed out on my bed right after. That's how unfit I am. I'm trying to get a summer body since I don't have summer school anymore. I need to tone my arms and lose inches off my belly so I would feel comfortable in a tank top. My arms and belly are hurting especially when I try to get up from laying down. Pao's pretty happy about it since he's been encouraging me to get fit. He asks "Wouldn't you want to look sexy for me?" Which totally doesn't work. HAHA

So now I'm just slothing around and getting fat again. I'm going to try and work out some more tomorrow before I go to the FMF Youth meeting at Brampton. The ICY Meeting today went pretty well. I see why this is important and I hope that was what everyone got from the meeting. I'm going to ride Kuya Al (or Kuya Marvin)'s bike tomorrow on the way there. I hope the weather is nice because I don't like being cold. 

Yesterday's weather was just SO RANDOM (just as random as this entry). It was hot in the morning, then it got cloudy, then windy (plus the dust), then heavy rain. I'm glad I passed out on my bed.

Ok dinner time, it smells like spaghetti sauce.

The Book of Numbers with The Sunday School Lady, Pastor Paul, and Brother Louie.

"I would do the fighting for you, but you didn't believe Me!"

I was reflecting on this story. Am I being like the Israelites. God brought me out of something painful to a promised land but I wouldn't enter just because of the giants? Did He put me on a time out?

I've been on a one year time out. I'm just glad it's a lot shorter than 40 years. Sometimes, problems do get overwhelming like the giants in Canaan, but He promised that He will do the fighting for Me. This time, it's not my battle. It's never been mine. I just need to focus on MY GOD and not the giants.

I don't have the picture yet because Kuya Al has 'em but Ate Jelz and I had so much fun riding with Kuya Al, Kuya Marvin and Dielsen.

The initial plan was to go to meet at Keele station in Toronto at 6:30 PM and then the bikers will come pick us up to Hallelujah Fellowship Baptist Church where we were suppose to have a meeting for the Youth Gathering this coming Friday. Then we would probably eat there and then go home. But that did not exactly happen.

Around noon, Ate Jeline called about thrice in a row just to prepare me with what to wear, what to bring, etc. when riding on the motorcycle (LOL, I think she was excited).

Then Tita Joi called asking me which bus stop is closest to my house when taking Route 26 West. I told her to get off when the bus turn at Glen Erin, right in front of Tim Hortons then I'll go get her there. She remembered the Erin, but not the Glen, so she ended up getting off at Erin Mills and was wondering why she couldn't find a Tim Hortons. She called me and told me where she was. I told her to just go to the bus terminal and I'll pick her up there. I took my running shoes and jogged all the way there, though I took a detour to the community centre for a water break. The weather was great today so it felt good. Met up with Tita Joi and insisted in getting pizza for the family. I carried that pizza on the way home so my arms felt like I juss did 5 sets of 10 bicep curls. (LOL)

When we got home, my dad took Tita Joi to her interview near my place. She thought it was good. I pray she gets the job because if I wasn't going back to school ever again, I would totally take the job as well. She decided to wait for me because she's awesome like that! We traveled to Keele together and Ate Jeline called us in the middle of our ride but it got cut off because we were in the subway. When we reached Keele, she called again and told me that the meeting is canceled, she was apologizing so much because she didn't even know either but it wasn't her fault. I waited for Kuya Al and Kuya Marvin ... to see their reaction when they find out.

They got there (plus Dielsen) on time and of course, they were a bit irritated because they cancelled last minute. I mean, it did take me a li'l over an hour just to commute all the way to Keele then just when I get there, they're going to send me home. The bikers also rushed out from work just so they can get to the meeting on time. But we didn't let that kill our day, we visited the meeting place so next time we'll know where to go. Kuya Al called Ate Jeline and asked if she wanted to come with. AND OF COURSE SHE SAID YES! (HAHAHA!) Kuya Al picked her up at Brampton, I was riding with Kuya Marvin while Dielsen was following all the way to Etobicoke to pick up his family. (Coco was so cute playing in the park!!) Then we went to Pho near my house.

I was riding with Ate Phen and the kids on the way to Pho. When we were near, Ate Jeline called and gave me the news that she was still alive. Haha! We ate there, I couldn't finish my pho but it was good. We left early because Coco was being cranky, he was tired. I was riding with Kuya Marvin on the way home and Ate Jeline with Kuya Al. It was so much fun. I was a bit worried for Ate Jeline but she enjoyed it! (Hi five!) They dropped me off, and said our goodbyes.

Today was great! Even though the whole meeting was cancelled, we still had fun. When I do get the picture, I shall post it up.

Deuteronomy. Funny song by the Bentley Brothers.

"I don't know Hebrew, but if you do, I'd like to meet you..."

Priceless.

I woke up in pain today, but instead of laying down and complaining the whole day I stretched and worked out a bit. I can hear Pao getting excited. LOL! It actually lessened the pain. I'm doing the 100 days burpees challenge that Kuya Carlo introduced to me earlier, currently on day 1. (BUT I did 2 because my first one was epic fail, LOL) I was watching Jillian Michael's 30 day shred that was mentioned to me by geri and I'm thinking of actually doing them, just modify the ones with the dumbells and use the exercise band. Or I could use some cans from the kitchen cupboard. Corned beef's heavy enough, right? LOL!

Anyways, time to do sit ups for a while.

When they finally get to see the promised land. WOW, took so long.

And wow, God picked that land for a reason... COOL, never knew that 'til now. Aww, I'm a Sunday School lady. haha!

I LOVE THIS ONE! If I asked my parents to name the judges they won't be able to name them. Yee.

FINALLY! April's last day! Feels like FOREVER, don't you think? In less than half a day, it will be May and I have one more week until Spring classes starts. I'm a little excited and anxious at the same time. It's going to be different, I can feel it. I'm feeling abit lazy today but I have to shake that off. I'm hoping I could get a source of income even if it's just minimum wage. McDonalds or Timmies... I'd be happy with that. I hope Shoppers would call me though. Anyone want to hire me? I'm available Friday and Saturday mornings! =)

Oh before I forget, I have to email Kim the songs for Praise and Worship with the Junior Worship. I hope she doesn't mind helping me with it. I could ask Iza sometimes... or anyone else who would like to volunteer and help me do praise and worship with the kids would be great. Geetar is good. Haha!